I finally get it! And by "it" I mean how the Republican mind works.
DISCLAIMER: Republican now refers to this crazy "Tea Party" junk. I actually like many standard, old-school Republicans who aren't close-minded jerks. I can't handle the Tea Partiers. Tea Party members are not Republicans. They just identify themselves as such to confuse people.
So this is how the minds work:
Pretty much, they don't really know what they are talking about and just talk REALLY LOUDLY in circles and contradict themselves by pretending they know what they are talking about so that people just lose the whole beginning of the statement and end up agreeing because they must be right to be able to say so many words in one sentence.
So all in all...they do what I just did in the previous paragraph...oh I mean run-on sentence.
Now of course there are exceptions, but this is DEFINITELY the rule. At least it is the rule for this group's tv personalities and several recent candidates for public office.
I can't believe I just wasted my time on politics. Why can't everyone just be open-minded, progressive, non-judgmental, and not selfish?
Once again, before you get offended, please re-read my disclaimer.
"Insert witty quote here."
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Rain or Shine...
Here are the accounts of a newly single gal deciding spontaneity was the best decision. Spontaneity was in the form of buying a last minute plane ticket to Orlando to visit one of the best friends on the planet--my Victoria.
10. Paid WAY too much money for a beer in the Tri-Cities Airport. Mark that one off my bucket list!
Of course Vic and I squealed like crazy, annoying girls that we normally would make fun of when we saw each other. We apologize to any of the people who were near us at the time. P.S. Victoria and her Venezuelan-ness make me look a lot paler than I look in Bristol. ;)
9.5 Slept in the most heavenly, cloud-like bed.
After spending the first night in the most heavenly bed on the planet, we worked out and discovered the glory of putting chick peas in a salad. We laid by the pool (even though the sun was shy and decided not to come out and play...AT ALL). But, it was still so incredibly relaxing.
9. Had random people buy us multiple beverages.
We ate din din at the amazing Agave Azul. Apparently, we were pretty amusing and that is why they kept making purchases to benefit us. :)
Then, of course Vic and I had our standard emotional crying fest...it happens every time we see each other. At least we got it out of the way early. Blame it on the estrogen.
That night, I apparently forgot that I wasn't at home surrounded by my amazing pillows and thought Victoria was a pillow. We spooned for .25 seconds. She liked it. ;)
8. Found the most awesome blue heels in the world and resisted the urge to buy them.
The next night, we slept in on the heavenly bed and ended up going shopping...aka not buying anything and just trying random stuff on. I should have bought the shoes... sad face.
7.5 Had a waiter drink some of our wine--weirdo.
So we went to this quaint, family-owned Italian restaurant for dinner thinking it would be awesome. The only thing that was even close to awesome was the...well...food. haha. The waiter was a little crazy. Since when do waiters bring an extra wine glass to drink some of the bottle that was intended for the people at your table? He was ridiculous on so many levels. But my spaghetti tasted gooooooooood.
7. Sang Summer Nights with a live band.
THEN....ohhhhhhhhhhh...then...
We went to City Walk, which is right there where Universal Studios is and went to the Rising Star Kareoke Bar. Oh Em Gee. They have a full live band, back-up singers who have their on dance moves for EACH SONG, and an awesome Emcee. It was amazing. Out of all of the cards we put in to sing, I was picked with the guy who I JUST MET. It gets better...we sang Summer Nights from Grease and in his excitement he punched "one of the girls" . They said it was amazing. It sure did feel amazing...that's what she said...not the getting punched part...the performing part...oh golly gee.
6.5 That's What She Said.
(Speaking of that's what she said...of course it was a recurring theme of the visit. We tried to say it as often as possible as we are all huge Office fans...) I almost cried when I found out about Steve Carell leaving the show :( That's just a side note
6. Danced everywhere.
After that we were dancing all over the place, laughing hysterically, and being hit on by dumb guys. Victoria didn't realize that everyone was watching her act like an idiot and I was too busy cracking up to inform her so.
5. Took almost 2 hours (maybe more) to eat one slice of pizza.
The next day, I was...well...not myself. I was a bit under the weather and we will leave it at that and pretend it had nothing to do with the night before...it was coincidence haha. shhhh. It took me about 2 hours to finish 1 slice of pizza. That HAS to be a record of some sort. We decided this was a perfect opportunity to play games...we had a rock, paper, scissors Tournament, Spades Tournament, and Catch Phrase Tournament for hours!!!!!!! Victoria and I have this uncanny ability to kick some major bootay at Catch Phrase.
4. Watched Victoria walk in on a naked Groom.
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!
We ate at this awesome restaurant--Crave--I suggest it to anyone who goes down there. The Botanical Gardens was our next destination...pictures on facebook. Oh and apparently there was a wedding there that day and Victoria walked in on a naked groom. Yep...that just happened. Oh and we saw 2 snakes and Victoria almost died...but no alligators :(
3. Watched Jeff get attacked by a hulked-out half-naked oompa loompa man.
So after going to this random Thai Restaurant, which was surprisingly amazing, we went to downtown Orlando and the night was quite eventful. Holy Hades.
So we were just minding our own business and this half naked tiny man zoomed out of a bar and almost ran into Jeff. The natural response was "WHOA!" According to half naked tiny man, the natural reaction to someone saying 'whoa' is to kick them in the shin. Yep, you read correctly. Jeff got kicked in the shin by an oompa loompa. The oompa loompa was SOOOOO mad. He hulked out and it was the funniest thing ever. Jeff's only reaction was "Really?" Confusion ensued.
2.5 Bingo...
Also that night, we went to this Tiki bar thing and approximately 30 minutes after we got there, they started a Bingo game...this Bingo game was not your normal round of Bingo. The prizes were...well...adult entertainment options. DISCLAIMER: I will not go into detail as my mom is probably reading this. Jeff and Victoria are NOT NOT NOT NOT allowed to say specific names lol.
It was priceless...oh and Jeff ended up being one of the few winners. His prize was VERY appropriate and of course it was made in China. haha
2. Danced like crazy.
Then we all went dancing and Jeff reminded me that he is THE biggest dork ever. Freakin hysterical. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Thanks Jeff. We watched the Emporers New Groove and ate our leftover Thai in an effort to not have a rerun of my "under the weather" episode.
1. But the best thing was knowing that no matter what, I can still go back to my Victoria and we are better friends than ever even after 2 years. And although it rained more than it shined, I had the time of my life.
That is all.
10. Paid WAY too much money for a beer in the Tri-Cities Airport. Mark that one off my bucket list!
Of course Vic and I squealed like crazy, annoying girls that we normally would make fun of when we saw each other. We apologize to any of the people who were near us at the time. P.S. Victoria and her Venezuelan-ness make me look a lot paler than I look in Bristol. ;)
9.5 Slept in the most heavenly, cloud-like bed.
After spending the first night in the most heavenly bed on the planet, we worked out and discovered the glory of putting chick peas in a salad. We laid by the pool (even though the sun was shy and decided not to come out and play...AT ALL). But, it was still so incredibly relaxing.
9. Had random people buy us multiple beverages.
We ate din din at the amazing Agave Azul. Apparently, we were pretty amusing and that is why they kept making purchases to benefit us. :)
Then, of course Vic and I had our standard emotional crying fest...it happens every time we see each other. At least we got it out of the way early. Blame it on the estrogen.
That night, I apparently forgot that I wasn't at home surrounded by my amazing pillows and thought Victoria was a pillow. We spooned for .25 seconds. She liked it. ;)
8. Found the most awesome blue heels in the world and resisted the urge to buy them.
The next night, we slept in on the heavenly bed and ended up going shopping...aka not buying anything and just trying random stuff on. I should have bought the shoes... sad face.
7.5 Had a waiter drink some of our wine--weirdo.
So we went to this quaint, family-owned Italian restaurant for dinner thinking it would be awesome. The only thing that was even close to awesome was the...well...food. haha. The waiter was a little crazy. Since when do waiters bring an extra wine glass to drink some of the bottle that was intended for the people at your table? He was ridiculous on so many levels. But my spaghetti tasted gooooooooood.
7. Sang Summer Nights with a live band.
THEN....ohhhhhhhhhhh...then...
We went to City Walk, which is right there where Universal Studios is and went to the Rising Star Kareoke Bar. Oh Em Gee. They have a full live band, back-up singers who have their on dance moves for EACH SONG, and an awesome Emcee. It was amazing. Out of all of the cards we put in to sing, I was picked with the guy who I JUST MET. It gets better...we sang Summer Nights from Grease and in his excitement he punched "one of the girls" . They said it was amazing. It sure did feel amazing...that's what she said...not the getting punched part...the performing part...oh golly gee.
6.5 That's What She Said.
(Speaking of that's what she said...of course it was a recurring theme of the visit. We tried to say it as often as possible as we are all huge Office fans...) I almost cried when I found out about Steve Carell leaving the show :( That's just a side note
6. Danced everywhere.
After that we were dancing all over the place, laughing hysterically, and being hit on by dumb guys. Victoria didn't realize that everyone was watching her act like an idiot and I was too busy cracking up to inform her so.
5. Took almost 2 hours (maybe more) to eat one slice of pizza.
The next day, I was...well...not myself. I was a bit under the weather and we will leave it at that and pretend it had nothing to do with the night before...it was coincidence haha. shhhh. It took me about 2 hours to finish 1 slice of pizza. That HAS to be a record of some sort. We decided this was a perfect opportunity to play games...we had a rock, paper, scissors Tournament, Spades Tournament, and Catch Phrase Tournament for hours!!!!!!! Victoria and I have this uncanny ability to kick some major bootay at Catch Phrase.
4. Watched Victoria walk in on a naked Groom.
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!
We ate at this awesome restaurant--Crave--I suggest it to anyone who goes down there. The Botanical Gardens was our next destination...pictures on facebook. Oh and apparently there was a wedding there that day and Victoria walked in on a naked groom. Yep...that just happened. Oh and we saw 2 snakes and Victoria almost died...but no alligators :(
3. Watched Jeff get attacked by a hulked-out half-naked oompa loompa man.
So after going to this random Thai Restaurant, which was surprisingly amazing, we went to downtown Orlando and the night was quite eventful. Holy Hades.
So we were just minding our own business and this half naked tiny man zoomed out of a bar and almost ran into Jeff. The natural response was "WHOA!" According to half naked tiny man, the natural reaction to someone saying 'whoa' is to kick them in the shin. Yep, you read correctly. Jeff got kicked in the shin by an oompa loompa. The oompa loompa was SOOOOO mad. He hulked out and it was the funniest thing ever. Jeff's only reaction was "Really?" Confusion ensued.
2.5 Bingo...
Also that night, we went to this Tiki bar thing and approximately 30 minutes after we got there, they started a Bingo game...this Bingo game was not your normal round of Bingo. The prizes were...well...adult entertainment options. DISCLAIMER: I will not go into detail as my mom is probably reading this. Jeff and Victoria are NOT NOT NOT NOT allowed to say specific names lol.
It was priceless...oh and Jeff ended up being one of the few winners. His prize was VERY appropriate and of course it was made in China. haha
2. Danced like crazy.
Then we all went dancing and Jeff reminded me that he is THE biggest dork ever. Freakin hysterical. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Thanks Jeff. We watched the Emporers New Groove and ate our leftover Thai in an effort to not have a rerun of my "under the weather" episode.
1. But the best thing was knowing that no matter what, I can still go back to my Victoria and we are better friends than ever even after 2 years. And although it rained more than it shined, I had the time of my life.
That is all.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Dia de los padres
Father's Day...I wonder if it is supposed to be Fathers' or Father's? Singular possessive or plural possessive? Yo no se.
This is one of those days that some people don't like. You know--"those" people. The people who don't like holidays that were created to sell greeting cards. This is how I look at it. So what if a day was selected to be special so Hallmark could make some moneyz. Everyday should be special and everyone should be made to feel special by someone anyway. Unfortunately, we are all human (unless you are a vampire) and we are not always successful at expressing our emotions to others. Gratitude is one of the emotions that, I believe, is not expressed often enough. This is why I think it is a good idea to give people the day that is marked for them in the pre-printed planners. It gives us dumb humans a chance to say thank you to those that deserve it.
Actually...who decided all of these holidays anyway? How do we know that a new year starts at midnight on January 1st. Maaaaaaaaaybe it actually starts on July 25th at 2:49 pm. But does it really matter? I think not. It gives people a chance to celebrate something. That's what all holidays give. We pick a date...we celebrate it.
Now that I mention it, who is "we"? I'm just glad I'm not one of them. Imagine the fighting in that conference room when they got it down to 2 days...especially if there was a woman there...a PMSing woman. Whoa...
"June 20th should be Father's Day."
"no June 19th."
"hey let's just make it the same day of the week every year...how about in December.
"no, we already picked June. we are sticking with June. It's the third Sunday in June every year. I'm sick of talking about it. I need some chocolate."--pmsing woman
"Why not Saturday?"
"DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID????"--pmsing woman
I dunno...just saying...I think it would have been a dangerous room to be in. I'm allowed to say that--I'm a woman.
My point is this:
If you are lucky enough to have a father in your life who was more than a sperm donor, tell him thank you! Tell him you love him! He deserves it. These men are few and far between. Also, thank whoever raised them to be the real men that they are. Sometimes, that sperm donation isn't even necessary. My late Uncle Jack was not only an amazing man, but he was also a DAD to a few kids who weren't even his biologically. If anyone deserves a "Happy Father's Day", it is him.
To all those fathers of any sort...even father-figures...thanks for doing a good job. We love you. Feliz dia de los padres.
That is all.
Except...I know vampires aren't real...that was a joke in case you don't understand jokes.
"It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons."--Johann Schiller
"Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected."--Red Buttons
This is one of those days that some people don't like. You know--"those" people. The people who don't like holidays that were created to sell greeting cards. This is how I look at it. So what if a day was selected to be special so Hallmark could make some moneyz. Everyday should be special and everyone should be made to feel special by someone anyway. Unfortunately, we are all human (unless you are a vampire) and we are not always successful at expressing our emotions to others. Gratitude is one of the emotions that, I believe, is not expressed often enough. This is why I think it is a good idea to give people the day that is marked for them in the pre-printed planners. It gives us dumb humans a chance to say thank you to those that deserve it.
Actually...who decided all of these holidays anyway? How do we know that a new year starts at midnight on January 1st. Maaaaaaaaaybe it actually starts on July 25th at 2:49 pm. But does it really matter? I think not. It gives people a chance to celebrate something. That's what all holidays give. We pick a date...we celebrate it.
Now that I mention it, who is "we"? I'm just glad I'm not one of them. Imagine the fighting in that conference room when they got it down to 2 days...especially if there was a woman there...a PMSing woman. Whoa...
"June 20th should be Father's Day."
"no June 19th."
"hey let's just make it the same day of the week every year...how about in December.
"no, we already picked June. we are sticking with June. It's the third Sunday in June every year. I'm sick of talking about it. I need some chocolate."--pmsing woman
"Why not Saturday?"
"DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID????"--pmsing woman
I dunno...just saying...I think it would have been a dangerous room to be in. I'm allowed to say that--I'm a woman.
My point is this:
If you are lucky enough to have a father in your life who was more than a sperm donor, tell him thank you! Tell him you love him! He deserves it. These men are few and far between. Also, thank whoever raised them to be the real men that they are. Sometimes, that sperm donation isn't even necessary. My late Uncle Jack was not only an amazing man, but he was also a DAD to a few kids who weren't even his biologically. If anyone deserves a "Happy Father's Day", it is him.
To all those fathers of any sort...even father-figures...thanks for doing a good job. We love you. Feliz dia de los padres.
That is all.
Except...I know vampires aren't real...that was a joke in case you don't understand jokes.
"It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons."--Johann Schiller
"Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected."--Red Buttons
Friday, June 18, 2010
Hold me closer "tinydanster"
So my URL is a poorly thought of pun on the famous Elton John song. Don't judge. You know you like it. Let me explain...
Elton John song="Tiny Dancer".
I wouldn't call myself "tiny" per se but I do like to dance.
Some people call me "the danster".
"danster"~"dancer".
~ means similar.
Still don't get it? Stop reading my blog.
Get it and think it's stupid? I know it's weak--laugh now and forever hold your peace (or give me a better suggestion).
So...
I have finally achieved my first success as an Aunt. My niece (from now on, will be referred to as "the child" or "the kid" or etc.) loves The Sandlot. Her favorite line is the best line in the movie--"you're killin' me Smalls!" My job is done. Great success. High five.
If you don't want to hear stories about my niece, lo siento. She pretty much is the love of my life and is the cutest little person on the planet. In turn, most of my funny stories involve her.
Now I shall leave you with the stupid comment of the week. It may not always be stupid...it might be ignorant or some other ridiculous term.
Long story short...
A person, who I will refrain from identifying, picked up a certain newspaper to look at a certain article. The person flipped the paper over and a different headline caught this person's eye. The headline referred to something along the lines of President Obama blaming BP for the oil spill and encouraging the company take more responsibility. Regardless of whether or not you like our President, there is nothing wrong with this headline. No problem, right? Wrong according to this person...this person threw the paper down, huffed and puffed, and then said, "Well that Obama just has to blame someone else for everything, doesn't he? Now he is blaming BP for the oil spill." Because of the situation, I HAD to hold my tongue. I wish I could have called this person out on the ignorance. BP SHOULD take responsibility. It was obvious plain hatred that made those words come out of his/her mouth...I just have to laugh now. Ignorance is NOT bliss...it just makes you look dumb.
Some people should just not talk...or reproduce.
That is all. :-D
"Dance like no one is watching."
Elton John song="Tiny Dancer".
I wouldn't call myself "tiny" per se but I do like to dance.
Some people call me "the danster".
"danster"~"dancer".
~ means similar.
Still don't get it? Stop reading my blog.
Get it and think it's stupid? I know it's weak--laugh now and forever hold your peace (or give me a better suggestion).
So...
I have finally achieved my first success as an Aunt. My niece (from now on, will be referred to as "the child" or "the kid" or etc.) loves The Sandlot. Her favorite line is the best line in the movie--"you're killin' me Smalls!" My job is done. Great success. High five.
If you don't want to hear stories about my niece, lo siento. She pretty much is the love of my life and is the cutest little person on the planet. In turn, most of my funny stories involve her.
Now I shall leave you with the stupid comment of the week. It may not always be stupid...it might be ignorant or some other ridiculous term.
Long story short...
A person, who I will refrain from identifying, picked up a certain newspaper to look at a certain article. The person flipped the paper over and a different headline caught this person's eye. The headline referred to something along the lines of President Obama blaming BP for the oil spill and encouraging the company take more responsibility. Regardless of whether or not you like our President, there is nothing wrong with this headline. No problem, right? Wrong according to this person...this person threw the paper down, huffed and puffed, and then said, "Well that Obama just has to blame someone else for everything, doesn't he? Now he is blaming BP for the oil spill." Because of the situation, I HAD to hold my tongue. I wish I could have called this person out on the ignorance. BP SHOULD take responsibility. It was obvious plain hatred that made those words come out of his/her mouth...I just have to laugh now. Ignorance is NOT bliss...it just makes you look dumb.
Some people should just not talk...or reproduce.
That is all. :-D
"Dance like no one is watching."
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