The Kid

My. Niece. Is. The. Best. Child. Ever. Sorry to you readers who have kids and think that your kid is the best. You're wrong. My niece is hilarious. My one regret in life is that I have not written down every funny thing she has said over the last 4 years. Her personality is like mine, except she has a mean streak so it's even funnier cause SHE IS FOUR and already sassy as hell!

First, she's smarter than most adults I know. She reasons through things so quickly in her head. Not to mention she's adorable. Blonde hair, bright blue eyes--

Dear current 4-8-year-old little boys,

I will cause you serious pain if you hurt my niece 10 years from now. The wrath of Dani will come out--you will see the Hulk. Yes, it's a threat.

With deepest regards,

the Aunt who will beat you up

I've decided from now on, I'm writing things she says down. Granted, it's funnier when I repeat it in person because they I can demonstrate how sassy and animated she is. But alas, herein lies the woes of the written word.

So my niece's funny lines from last weekend:
"Auntie, I can get a donut from Dunkin Donuts, right? Because I'm not diabetes."

...no Kid, you are not the personification of a debilitating disease.

"Now, remember, you can't wear perfume in the summer if you go outside because it attracts bees. It's important."

...thank you for my random common sense fact of the day, kid.

My favorite from the past. Allow me to set up the scene. My family was going on a Disney Cruise and the Kid was trying to convince me to come. It didn't work because those bee eye tee see ayches are expensive.

"Auntie, you HAVE to come. You know why? You need to go swimming with me. Nana won't go and Mommy can't go because she might get kicked in the belly by a dolphin and get an infection."

...because dolphin kicks are the number 1 cause of infection nationwide--in the Kid's world. 


True.Story. which is another line I have taught her, along with how to pound it and "that's what she said"--even though that one is not always at the correct time comedically speaking. Google doesn't like the word comedically but I'm going to use it anyway.

Unrelated to my niece, my name is apparently now Jack Dani to some of the west coast swing world. When I consume Jack Daniels, my alter-ego comes out--Jack Dani. Let me tell you a little about Jack Dani:

1. she's awesome.
2. she gets thug sometimes. aka she thinks she is thug and says silly things like "Jack Dani in da houuuuuuuuuse."
3. no it's not normal and I'm fully aware of this.
4. she likes to stand on things that make her taller.
5. she is able to flawlessly carry the beverage without spilling it.
6. people constantly laugh around her.
7. she thinks she is a much better dancer than she is actually dancing at that time.
8. she craves Nutella.
9. she thinks she's invincible.
10. she's basically my current personality, but amplified.

I will update this list as I become more aware of what actually happens.